


Miya Atsumu: puzzle edition

by Confused_Gull



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Atsumu is best boy and I love him, Character Study, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, Indirect Marriage Proposal, Kissing, M/M, Touch-Starved, starved for affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25210027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confused_Gull/pseuds/Confused_Gull
Summary: Miya Atsumu is a fallen apart puzzle, and Sakusa so badly wants to put him back together.Featuring: Affection-starved Atsumu being loved by local, touch-starved germaphobe Kiyoomi.A short character study(???is this what this is??)I think he's neat. I love him I promise. Sakusa does too.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou (Mentioned)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 593





	Miya Atsumu: puzzle edition

**Author's Note:**

> Still can't tag for shit. Am I projecting onto Atsumu? Who tf knows! I don't have siblings, never been in relationship and don't have Sakusa for a boyfriend so who cares. I'm sad and Atsumu was sad. Now he's happy. This was just a thing I put together while sleep deprived in the morning and filled in during my online lectures, excuse this bullshit. Am a Mistake™ not betaed or whatever by anyone. Utter unfiltered thoughts. Is sad. Thought of reading it again to edit but said fuck it instead.
> 
> Feeling cute, might delete later lmao.

Miya Atsumu has finally accepted death. He has lived a happy life and now his time has come. 

"Atsumu, shut the fuck up."

Nothing Sakusa said can bring him back. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel and somebody calling him. God? Grandma? Kita-san? Kita-san's Grandma? 

"Atsumu, if you don't say anything right this instant I'll break up with you."

Atsumu tried moving his mouth, but no words came out. Sakusa sighed and waited patiently, face burning, was it anger, endurance or embarrassment who knew?, 'God, I had to fall in love with this idiot of all people.' he thought.

"Omi-kun. Are ya sure. Like are ya. Ya said. Yer letting me touch ya. Like I can hold ya and, uh-" a bright blush bloomed on Atsumu's cheeks as he spoke. Trying to articulate his thoughts with hand movements. "- like kiss ya in general?" He ran his hand through his damp hair.

Sakusa had called Atsumu after their dinner date over. Practice was not as tiring as usual because of their recent win, coach had gone easy on them. Atsumu had suggested a restaurant near their dorms when walking back. After questioning about the cleanliness Sakusa agreed. The place was pretty good and they returned home. 

After showering and changing into the extra pair of clothes Atsumu bought when he stayed with Sakusa, they both sat down on the couch and were scrolling through their phones enjoying the silence and company, when out of nowhere Sakusa says, "I want you to kiss me."

Now, they had never kissed, at least on the lips or face in general. Sakusa never liked anything other than his mask touching his face. Atsumu had stayed over, they shared a bed. But the most "touching" they had done (after alot of disinfection, sanitizers and scrutiny from Sakusa) was hand holding, hugging and entwining their feet. Not even their legs, unless Atsumu wore sweats or long pants. 

Atsumu usually kissed Sakusa's hand. And so did Sakusa, at most maybe a shoulder kiss. When they were cooking. Atsumu was fine with this, he never mentioned even once in all their months of dating that he would like to do anything more. He knew Sakusa had a comfort zone which was extremely delicate. It had it's limits and as much as Atsumu loved to push people past their limits. He understood that with Kiyoomi, that could not happen without ending in a disaster. So when Sakusa suddenly put foward the request on his own and reassuring Atsumu that he wanted this. You couldn't blame him for his brain short-circuiting. 

Sakusa knew what he asked, it was a big step in their relationship, especially for him, but he knew that after all they've been through, from youth camps to playing against and alongside each other over the years, Atsumu would never take advantage of him in any way that made him uncomfortable. Always making sure that Sakusa was okay before anything.

Not many people realised how starved for affection Atsumu truly was though. Sakusa knew what it felt like to be starved for touch, his fear of germs keeping him as such. It made him feel insecure being the only person unable to hug and high five his teammates without feeling his skin crawl, so over the years he studied people around him, to know if he was the only one. He took mental notes and categorised people and of all Atsumu had the most.

He had a twin growing up, but they mostly roughhoused about. Osamu called Atsumu out on his bullshit and lies. Atsumu was headstrong giving his all for anyone who he deemed worthy of it. Asking others to give him their best in return for him. An equal exchange. He was loud and demanding on court, wanting every bit of attention, but that's where it stopped. The court. 

Off court Atsumu knew people, and they acknowledged him greatly, but never more. High fives and pats on the back after good matches were ever present, but no more. They knew him only as a setter, nothing else.

Everyone knew the loud, smiling Atsumu. But Sakusa knew more. 

He heard from Osamu and knew that Atsumu wasn't well liked growing up. Others preferring to be around Osamu instead. He didn't get much support from the people around him. Always being made fun off. Though made in jest, they had an impact on him. Left alone, because he came of too strong. There were people who were jealous and girls who had crushes but they only seen his physical self. The one he made for public view. Constantly trying to better himself so that people wouldn't focus on how he was otherwise. Trying to use jokes, that would never land, to cover up his insecurities. No one could tell how Atsumu was on the inside and Sakusa took it upon himself to discover it. Like a puzzle, he would piece together the real Atsumu and treasure it, never to be taken apart again.

It was hard to tell even when they got close. Even Osamu couldn't tell sometimes what was going through Atsumu's head and that was something.

Sakusa realised that maybe Atsumu was more alike to him than he realised after a small incident that took place in Atsumu's kitchen.

"Hey ya Omi-omi, could ya pass me the knife from there?" 

Sakusa placed the knife near the chopping board and leaned back on the counter to watch as Atsumu diced up meat and vegetables for a stew. They were having a dinner date and Atsumu was cooking. 

Sakusa might not show but his heart felt it was near bursting with the overwhelming love he felt for the man before him. To see him grow over the years from a rival to a lover, being able to stand at his side as so much more, Sakusa was grateful. He walked foward, placing his hands on Atsumu's hips and placing a soft kiss on his shoulder where his t-shirt didn't cover.

Atsumu froze, "..uh Omi?"

Sakusa sighed, "I love you and am so proud of you. Thank you for loving me."

The kitchen was silent for a moment, Sakusa might be blunt but never like this. It surprised even him. He had no idea how Atsumu would react.

Suddenly he felt Atsumu shaking slightly and seen water drops fall on to the board alongside the cut vegetables.

"'tsumu?"

Sakusa was gripped with worry. Did he do something wrong? Said something he shouldn't? 

Atsumu turned around and hugged him tight, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Sakusa could feel the tears soaking into his t-shirt and soft sniffles.

It went on for a few moment, the couple hugging each other tight. Sakusa letting Atsumu get through whatever he was feeling and holding him through it. After deeming himself calm enough to speak, Atsumu lifted his tear stained face, and smiled softly, "..It's nothing Kiyoomi. Thanks, love ya too."

The sadness in those eyes, his voice, that smile...It broke his heart, but he didn't press further. Atsumu was happy, and that moment felt more intimate that anything they both ever experienced. He only called him Kiyoomi when he was serious. He left it at that. Not bringing it up, if Atsumu wanted to talk about it, he would let him. Atsumu always made sure that Sakusa was comfortable and now it was his turn to do the same. 

Everything went back to normal but Sakusa realised in that moment he might have just been given a piece to the puzzle that was Miya Atsumu.

When they first started to date, Atsumu always seemed worried the most. How would the team react? His parents? Would it affect his career? Kiyoomi's? One of Atsumu best known traits was being considerate. He might not seem as such, but he always put people he cared for before himself. Atsumu confessed to Kiyoomi, but it was less of a 'want to be in a relationship' and more 'deal with rejection quicker' moment. He assumed there was already someone so he was not prepared for Sakusa to return his feelings. 

Even after that, Atsumu kept asking Sakusa if it was fine. To tell him if he was overstepping, or too obnoxious. That never sat well with Sakusa. Sure he was like that on court, but never when they were together. He spoke softer, careful, even quiet when they would go for jogs in the mornings. It did not seem like an alternate personality he created to show the world, it was more genuine and relaxed. 

Sakusa realised awhile into their relationship that just as he was starved for touch, Atsumu was starved for affection. 

Growing up with a twin, meant he was being constantly compared. Osamu seeing how Atsumu's headstrong nature was disliked by their peers, he took a calmer path. This led to him being considered the better twin. Though they were the same, yet so different. Atsumu tried and struggled to show how good he was to earn the barest of praise, to make his presence felt. Osamu on the other hand simply stood at his side and still achieved everything the other wanted. Never asking for it. They would always think they both are the same and judge Osamu based on Atsumu's actions which was unfair, only changing when they realised how different the two can be. People assume Atsumu would be more well liked, but they are wrong. If both were put in a room it would be easy to see. People gravitated more to Osamu, his quiet and more reserved nature drew people in. Girls thought it was hot and mysterious and guys thought he was calmer and not as blunt when compared to Atsumu.

Osamu got more confessions. Better grades. He could cook and is growing his own business. He was in a relationship with with Suna Rintarou since their third year of highschool. He was cool and calm. He knew what to do and planned everything ahead of time. He was neat and tidy, not anxious. Completely stable and happy in life.

What was Atsumu? He was everything like his brother, but still never enough. He was living his dream doing what he loved. Yet, he was never as calm, always pushing his limits, especially for volleyball and he was anxious. Never paying attention to his health. He could cook decently but not as well. He planned things ahead of time but stuff never seemed to truly work in his favour. He was loud and obnoxious. He lied and constantly bugged people around him. He acted cool on the outside, but never felt the happiness he so desperately craved. Nobody needed to point out that even their parents preferred Osamu as compared to him, constantly telling him to learn from his brother, and that hurt Atsumu deeply, yet he would never say it out loud.

Atsumu might be broken, but above all his pains the people he cared about would would always be higher. He loved his brother, he cared too much about him, and would never do ar say anything that would hurt him. 

Atsumu was used to it anyways and never wanted Osamu to be like him in such an aspect. 

Atsumu understood why everything was the way it was. He had chosen this path, he couldn't complain about it, but it still hurt so deeply. It kept him up countless nights, wondering if he was ever enough could he ever truly be enough for anyone, tears streaming down his face and breathing laboured. He wondered if they weren't twins would it be easier for Osamu, to not be associated with him, they dyed their hair different colours because of this, and everytime this happened, these thoughts overwhelmed him, he would suck it all in and bottle it up for another time and toss and turn till he fell asleep, heart clenched in pain.

Sakusa had met Osamu, a month into their relationship. They had been in the area for a match and decided to visit Onigiri Miya. After Osamu finished his shift and closed shop, they sat down to chat for awhile. Astumu introduced Sakusa as his boyfriend, which was fine. They spoke a bit about how everything was going, occasional banter between the twins and light laughter, until Atsumu decided to go to the washroom.

"Stay there for 'while, I wanna speak to Sakusa-kun" Osamu said.

"Ya better not scare Omi or something!" 

"Shut yer trap 'tsumu."

Astumu laughed as he walked away.

A tense silence fell over the table. Sakusa waiting for Osamu to speak.

"Ya like him right? This isn't a joke or anything?" Osamu asked mood shifting to something darker from earlier.

" I do like him, that's why I'm with him." Sakusa replied.

A pause.

A breath of relief, Osamu relaxed, " Good. Thank you. Please take care of him." Osamu bowed his head slightly.

Sakusa bows in return "I will do my best to make him as happy as he does me...Might I ask why you asked that though? It's a... strange choice of words." 

Osamu sighed looking down at the table. " 'tsumu has always put others before himself. He never realised how girls would date him just for show. People would always walk over him, talk behind his back. Always pissed me off. Don't tell him I get worried 'bout him. It'll bloat his ego. He's also an asshole, always borrowed my shit, ate my stuff and lied 'bout it. Wondered how he got ya to accept his feelings."

" Understandable, he can be quite oblivious sometimes."

A small smile graced Osamu's face, " Sure can. Growing up we were pushed and compared around alot. It didn't affect me as much as it did him. He's a good person I promise, it can be hard to see sometimes, but it's there. He always gives everything his all I'm sure y'all will be happy. The only person who ever realised how he is was Kita-san."

"Your high school captain?"

"Yup, I didn't even realise how much this idiot would push himself. Not even fevers or injuries could stop him. I got so used to it I didn't notice when it got too much. I sometimes wish we didn't bicker or maybe if I got to him to speak about everything more heart to heart, if it would be different, but we wouldn't be who we are without that."

Osamu paused, Sakusa patiently waited for him to continue. Osamu took up a more melancholy tone.

" Sakusa-kun, could ya do me a favour?"

"..Sure, why not..?" 

" When 'tsumu and I were in highschool we had a fight. When I decided to quit volleyball. That one of us would be the happiest in life on our deathbed. We both love to win but just this once, and I know that this can be alot to ask but, just this once please do not let him lose. I don't want to win this and I would like to ask your help."

Osamu kept his gaze trained on the table, you could tell by his posture that he was on the verge of tears. " I don't see him as much as I used to because of our careers and all. But it has been months if not years since I've heard him this happy. Whenever he calls, I can tell. I'm his twin, if he doesn't realise, I can tell he's not as happy. Nothing and no one has made him this happy in so long. I'm glad to see him like this." 

Osamu and wiped a few stray tears with the back of his hand and smiled. " Anyways, sorry 'bout this. I wish y'all the best. 'tsumu must be getting pissed waiting for so long." He smiled.

Sakusa nodded, not knowing how to reply. He never knew this about Atsumu. But now what he did know was that he would make him the happiest man even if it took his life.

This would be a tough task, and Sakusa recognised it. It was hard sometimes. To get close, even to Atsumu on bad days. His skin would crawl and he had to physically stop himself from scrubbing hard enough to bleed. When he was a kid he had made that mistake once and his parents and siblings were super worried, he didn't want Atsumu to be the same.

Still he made the effort. They worked through their problems setting the limits they were willing to go. Communication was key after all. 

Sakusa learn to compliment and tell Atsumu exactly how he felt, every chance he got. From when they were walking to practice to when they went grocery shopping in the middle of the aisle. It took a break during practices but resumed right after. Somedays Atsumu would blush, thank and return a compliment, tell him he loved him. Other days he would hug his Omi-kun. On his bad days he would cry and tell how he felt about everything into Sakusa's arms.

Right now Sakusa was having a particularly good day, so he decided to take this step in their relationship and Atsumu was overjoyed. 

"Yes, I want you to kiss me."

"Like for real. Ya don't have ta do it, ya know that right?"

"I do. Just kiss me please."

" Who am I to say know to my Omi-kun! Tell me if ya don't like it okay."

Sakusa had already placed some pieces down but sometimes still, he stopped and wondered if he would ever finish it? Would he ever give up? What happens if a few pieces remained missing forever? He had been piecing the puzzle that was Miya Atsumu together ever since he first met him. Would he ever stop? Could he ever stop? Many a times nothing looked like it would fit together. Everything felt disarray. He wondered if he could keep up his promise to Osamu and himself? Was it too far off of a dream?

As they sat on the couch that evening, television playing softly in the background as their lips touched for the briefest of moments. Sakusa realised that maybe it was possible maybe it wasn't too far off.

They pulled back to look into each other's eyes, the world drowned out.

Atsumu placed a hand on Sakusa's cheek, the other leaning into the touch."Kiyoomi, you make me the happiest man in the world, stay with me forever." pulling him into a deeper kiss, Sakusa realised he shouldn't have doubted himself, he knew that it was possible. As long he had Atsumu, anything was possible.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I'm going to sleep, it's nearly five so.... probably will delete this if I read it again. Still am sad. Trying to get the hang of life, struggling, wanna write SunaOsa and HiruHoshi. I'll try and be more consistent with story telling in those. Promise. Excuse my mistakes plz
> 
> Thoughts are being thunk.
> 
> Tell me to get my shit together on twitter: @Confused_Gull
> 
> Advice or any comments appreciated. I thrive on them.
> 
> Take care hope you have a nice day (•ө•)♡


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